What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
