Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
