I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
