You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
