So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My cat gives me a boner
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize