Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
