Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
