Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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