guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
