Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
