Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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