dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
