The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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