i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
