The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
