your thong is hanging out like whoa
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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