you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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