Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
