Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
