I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You smell like stripper and shame
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
