Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This house was built for laser tag.
So many bounce houses so little time
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
