I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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