my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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