i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
