Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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