His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
