I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
