You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
