Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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