Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
