Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
