i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dick very happy bro
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
