I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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