I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
