I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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