I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
