Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
