You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
