He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want nice things and good sex
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
