Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
