I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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