You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize