I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
