Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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