11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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