She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
