The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
