And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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