hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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