saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
