I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
