It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
