i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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