Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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