is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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