Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
