like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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