ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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