They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
