Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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