she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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