Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
