The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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