my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Randomize
