This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
