I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
