ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
