P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
