Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
