The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
