dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
