dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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