I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
