Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
