My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
